I have recently found out that my house is bugged. We've had the typical ants every summer, and the front door lets in moths and spiders rather regularly, but this sort of bug was different, more insidious, electronic . . .

I contacted the government, asking them what to do. I got an e-mail from Karl Rove, in which I was informed not to panic, that this sort of thing happens all the time, and that the best thing I could do was put on a twenty minute press conference with an advisor whom the public seems to like, but not to appear myself.

I present to you my Secretary of Whining Noises. Ask him any questions you like.



Ladies and gentlemen of the press, you have twenty minutes.