Aphorisms:

1. Let's all get together and track deer back to their nest or lair or whatever deer have. Then we'll take pictures of them licking each other and sleeping, and post them online for a small fee, and make a million dollars.

2. The snow knows when you're under it. The tree knows when the snow knows. Don't look up.

3. People in small groups enjoy penis jokes much more than they do on their own. This is because when people congregate, they get high on phemones and, also, marijuanna.

4. Frankly, I never really loved you. I was just putting on a show for your father. Now that he's dead, I can finally go back to St. Louis.

5. You can rate a band by the quality of the bassist's hair. Malkmus was wrong about the drummer. The drummer's hair is merely incidental. It is the bassist who picks up the karma waves of the band's relative goodness or badness, and manifests this physically in his locks. Look at the Beatles. Paul had a pretty stupid hair cut, no?

6. An epiphany may come at any moment. Most commonly, however, it comes while listening to My Bloody Valentine.

7. The French word transir, to chill, is very useful when you're making Cat Stevens jokes.

8. Scott's lists always were better than mine.