I am proud to report that both John McCain and Barack Obama have conceded the election to me. We fought a hard campaign, but I obviously fought a lot harder and received much more love an many more votes. As I see you all before me tonight, all of you who wrote my name in on your ballots and sent me lots of campaign money that I spent on cream puff pastries from the Zia Diner, pumpkins from McCall's patch, owl pendants, Dale Cooper trading cards, Grant Morrison comic books and Bob Dylan CDs, I feel a great sense of honor and joy. For the next four years, I will be proud to sleep all day while my excellent vice presidential choice, David Duchovny, makes all the decisions. Truly, the owls are not what they seem. My fellow Owls and I will lead this country out of its lack of cultural prominence, and we will once more fight off the ghosts and make the night safe for donuts. The Owl Party, though, is not just about partying. We are also about Batman, those delicious peanut butter cups from Trader Joe's, reviving David Foster Wallace, and producing more and better cats. Tonight, we are all Democrats, we are all Republicans, and we all voted for me for president. I'm pretty sleepy now, so I'll let Mr. Duchovny take over from here.