How does one react upon realizing that one knows, has always known, "I am not a genius"? It's such an obvious thing to realize that it shouldn't have any effect. Nevertheless, I am aware that I will never be inspired to write anything special. I might write good books, but I will never produce a classic. I'll never be a masterful songwriter, either, or a genius at playing an instrument. I'll never be part of a brilliant group of friends who say such witty things that everyone listens. I'll never revitilize science, or anything much that doesn't relate directly to me. There's no chance I'll become a brilliant artist, whether I start training myself or not. I won't develop a system of philosophy, probably at all but certainly not one so radically new that people want to study it. I couldn't become a brillaint chess player, or get rich off the stock market, or become a worshiped national figure, or make perfect movies. I don't have the potential for any of this.

This shouldn't require much of a realization. People like that must just know what they're capable of, whether they do it or not. I only feel special when I'm around miserably poor people, such as many of the juniors on this campus. Even there, I'm judging based on too little information to know that I am verifiably smarter than any of them, more capable of grand action. It is likely that I'm not.

Is there a support group for people without creative passion? Wannabes Anonymous, perhaps? But then, the "anonymous" would be too cruel. Aspiring Creators United. Mediocre National.

Still on some level I believe that if I put enough time into it, I might get there. There's a level of work required, and no one is necessarily excluded. Ah, puritan work ethic, come back to me in a perverted form. Maybe, though. It's possible that I could decide, willfully, to become capable of great art. The fact that I haven't yet made this decision, and that most people make it when they're young, and unconsciously at that, the fact that it doesn't seem like a decision at all . . . that's nothing! You can do anything you want, right? Shit. Didn't they teach you that in Elementary School? Originality is just premeditated passion. Great work not only can be willed, it must be. Talent is undefinable, and probably along the lines of fortunately stumbling upon a certain kind of brain activity which which everyone is potentailly capable of.

Yes. Tomorrow, we win.