I'd like to have an intervention for my brother about his video game playing. Unfortunately, all of his (few) friends are video game players, as hard core at it as he is. (He plays about six hours a day, if he can be believed.) Thus, the only logical people to hold this intervention would be his family members. There are only three of us here, and he doesn't respect our opinion. I can see it now. My mother goes down to Jeff's room and asks him to come to the living room for a minute. He says, "Why?" She says, "I want your opinion on something." He's not listening because he's playing a computer game, so she repeats it and he says, "Not right now!" She says, "Just come upstairs," and he says, "Did you hear me? Not right now!" This goes on for several minutes, devolving into a screaming match. She comes up and says to me, "The intervention is off."

I'm thinking that to actually have an intervention, we'd need to have my friends to do it. So . . . anyone interested in helping me have an intervention? We can have catering, and cool banners saying "Jeff's Intervention, 2003", and we can rent ponies, and a band (I'm shooting for Modest Mouse), maybe some guest speakers like David Fostor Wallace and Maureen Dowd, get funding for television and radio commercials (Jeff Green's action packed intervention is being held at the Patriot Center Arena this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!) and broadcast the event to a significant portion of the country (say, 35% of the population, seeing as Congress will likely revise the FCC ruling . . .), and we can all go out for ice cream afterwards. Who's with me?

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Screw you guys.