I dreamt that I decided to go home in the middle of a shift, so I took the switchboard radio, the sleeping bag and the pillow, went home and made a sandwich. Jeff was playing computer, and Anne chatted with me while I ate. We were watching a movie when the radio crackled, "226 to base." I walked over resentfully, pressed the transmit button and said, "go ahead," expecting something non-essential like a radio check.

I waited a few seconds, and then heard the voice again, sounding breathy and pained. "Lack of life signs."

I was astounded, and certain that I should never have left the switchboard. They would see that I wasn't there, and whatever happened might be blamed on me. I pressed the button again, feeling chill. "For who? A student, or what?"

"No." A long pause. "Anaya." Anaya is another security guard who, in the dream, was this guard's partner.

"My God, do you need me to call an ambulance?"

"No . . . I'll take care of it . . . Arnand . . . Arnand, noooooooooooooooooo!"

I ran to my car and sped to campus. When I arrived, I saw a huge crowd gathering, hushed and unsure how to act. I overheard a few groups saying things like "did you know him?" "are we supposed to be standing, or is this okay?" and "I guess classes are ccancelled." Meanwhile, I was dodging through the seated groups trying to get back into the building before anyone realized that I hadn't been there. I had forgetten the radio, the sleeping bag and the pillow at home; I thought I would have to call Jeff and ask him to bring them to me. I heard the voice of Chris Nelson, the college president in Annapolis, saying "As you know, we're here for a solemn event."

Then I woke up on the floor at Switchboard.

Geschichte des Altertums is so long that it has an introductory volume of 250 pages, entitled "Introduction. Elements of Anthropology." For the most part, I've read only this volume, and dipped occasionally into the first book proper, which relates the history and culture of ancient Egypt and Babylon. Meyer wrote at the end of the 19th century, at which point it seemed that Anthropology had barely gone beyond comparing ancient summary works, like Herodotus and Strabo, with each other and with what was found in the same areas in the modern age.

Meyer sure hates shamans. He abruptly concludes his chapter on the primitive belief in magic by saying that traditional conceptions, on which the shamans' power is based, hold back and suppress everything from the formation of self-reflection to the development of medical science, and in general the achievements which raise the human condition from barbarism to culture.

I'm at switchboard now, haltingly reading German, then switching to Manuscript Found in Saragossa, then drinking some coffee and playing some Alchemy. I've brought my stuffed owl, Zaditor, to keep me company. For the most part I've been listening to Schubert and Chopin. I've been unable to sleep while at work. Anneis probably right to think that I complain about this job too much. If I manage to use my time well, this job will be a blessing.

I only work at the library for two more hours. I start at the switchboard tonight at midnight, and stay until 8 a.m. I don't know what to do with the two hours here. I just finished work on my last project, and wrote an explanation of it for whoever takes it up. I could look at the shelf for books to weed from the collection, or read College & Research Libraries News.

I don't want to leave.

I've been reading one of the first universal histories through interlibrary loan, Geschicte des Altertums by Eduard Meyer. It's in German, so I've been stumbling through it; and with all five volumes, it's several thousand pages, so maybe even the hundred I've scanned aren't representative; but so far, it seems like nothing more than a gigantic review of all the historical writings before him. It's like an endless special edition of the Times Literary Supplement discussing only history books, perhaps designed to teach scholars how to waste their time. But who knows, maybe he throws in a little synthesis every hundred pages.

New beds comin' in soon. Ayup. Heard about it from that nice man down the mattress store. Why, he even gave me a free sheep. Don't know what I'll do with that'un. Maybe make a sweater. What I hear, though, I hear thurze a queen-sized bed a-comin' round the house next week. Even got a working shower now, not just a bathtub anymore, nope. Working wireless internet connection too. It's like a real residence now. Don't know how we'll pay for it though. Might have to take two jobs; switchboard looks like a real stinker, so it may be that I keep the library job 'swell. Ayup. Lot of hours, that.

I've just checked out about 10 albums of music by Chopin, after browsing the introduction to a collection of Chopin waltzes in score. Here I go again.

Someone just checked out a book of essays by Leo Strauss with his picutre on the cover. I had never seen the man before. He looked very uncomfortable in front of the camera, and had an expression even more blank than is common for portraits. Perhaps, while that picture was being taken, he was wishing that no one would ever look at his face and he could live behind his name alone, perpetually unseen and mysterious.

I guess I've decided to take the job. I'm not very happy about it. I have three meetings on Monday to try to get tuition remission for Anne to take the undergraduate program. First I meet with financial aid, then the assistant dean, and finally the director of the graduate program (for those of you who know him, Mr. Venkatesh). We still don't know if Anne's even gotten in.

Laura told me that I can come back to the library if there's an opening in the evenings and weekends supervisor position; the switchboard supervisor (Kyle) told me that if there was an opening for the daytime operator, I could definitely switch if I wanted to; and the human resources officer (Lois) told me that she hasn't done any interviews yet for the position I applied to in Admissions. Because of all this, I at least have some options.

I haven't told Laura yet; in fact, my last words to her on the subject were that I'd decided to stay at the library through the summer unless I got a salaried position. I guess the offer to start me at the midpoint salary was enough.

It looks like I'll be studying Zen this summer. Jess had suggested it to me a while ago, and then I saw D. T. Suzuki's Manual of Zen Buddhism on a "what are you reading this summer?" library display and thought it would be a good idea to focus my mind while locked up alone in Peterson all night.

I have a meeting today with Lois in Human Resources to discuss a job I've been offered: overnight operator of the St. John's Switchboard. The hourly pay would be smaller, but the paychecks would be larger. I'd have benefits, including vacation and, in two years, I could do the E.C. program for free. That's where the advantages end. I would be leaving a job I actually enjoy, which has got to be pretty rare. I'd also be working at a schedule opposite to Anne's no matter how we worked it, because her job doesn't have much opportunity for overnight work.

Laura told me I could come back to the library if I took the job and the library supervisor position opened up again. Or I could stay at the library until I'm offered a salaried position. I don't know yet what to do.

My meeting with Lois is in less than ten minutes. None of the questions I'm asking her would be hugely helpful in the decision, but I'm going to ask for more time to decide.