From the depths of Santa Fe I cry out to thee, o lord: please make me a sammich.

Eric is back in Olympia. The house has so much less possibility now; fewer ways to get cigarettes before my father goes to sleep, decidedly less weirdness, no unexpected calls from the hippie-punk photographer in Columbia, no phones answered with the musical quotation "You hear me talkin' to ya, I don't bite my tongue", no more mall walks which raise the hopes of every ring vendor.

Damn that's pretty:

Guillaume Apollinaire
"Le Pont Mirabeau"

Sous le pont Mirabeau coule la Seine
Et nos amours
Faut-il qu'il m'en souvienne
La joie venait toujours après la peine.

Vienne la nuit sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont je demeure

Les mains dans les mains restons face à face
Tandis que sous
Le pont de nos bras passe
Des éternels regards l'onde si lasse

Vienne la nuit sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont je demeure

L'amour s'en va comme cette eau courante
L'amour s'en va
Comme la vie est lente
Et comme l'Espérance est violente

Vienne la nuit sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont je demeure

Passent les jours et passent les semaines
Ni temps passé
Ni les amours reviennent
Sous le pont Mirabeau coule la Seine

*****************
Literal translation:

Under Mirabeau bridge slips the Seine
And our loves
Must this remind me of them
Joy always came after pain.

Let the night come sound the hour
The days go by I remain

With hand in hand let's remain face to face
Until beneath
The bridge of our arms pass
The so tired wave of eternal glances

Let the night come sound the hour
The days go by I remain

Love goes by like this running water
Love goes by
Like life is slow
And like Hope is violent

Let the night come sound the hour
The days go by I remain

The days pass the weeks pass
Neither the past
Nor the loves return
Under Mirabeau bridge slips the Seine

It's always this way. I walk outside and there's the holly bush, the little red honda, the stone house across the street, the badly paved driveway, all so expected and natural and without transition, like the last two months never happened. There are cats, at least. I had forgotten that somehow. Consolation, I guess. There's also an older, fifty-point-lower-IQ version of me in the basement at all times. In that room across the hall sleeps a wrathful God counting down the minutes to the moment he can smell my coat and confirm his true assumption. Not even the airport pickup and long island iced tea can put it off for long. I woke up this morning in Santa Fe and tonight I go to sleep in Ellicott City. A small portrait of hell.

I may suck at it, but playing Go is still fun. This is true of many things. In fact, I have no strong talents, but many things are still fun.

There are a few ghost cats on my block, ownerless, nocturnal, seen only by streetlamp and moon. They disappear whenever I bend and make the internationally recognized Call to the Unknown Cat. Rabbits also run away, but far less aesthetically. (An odd tie between the two campuses: the immense population of frightened little bunnies. Enough rabbits to store one in every dorm room and still have overstock.) Rabbits lock their muscles and stare into the darkness, sniffing, and then bounce stiffly in the other direction. Cats look up quickly, as though an action hero hearing an approaching train, incline their front, approach a bit, contemplate, quiver slighltly for a few seconds, then turn and flee in a fluidly choreographed move, not ceding territory but simply looking for something more awesome to do. They look back every few seconds as if expecting you to come see, and then the light runs out and they are gone.

I miss you, cats of the world. I would like to hang out with you, but you will not let me. Why do you tease me with your insensible image?

An older man comes into the library every night for three and a half hours and looks at bargain websites. This may be a more effective use of time than my own.

Intertextuality in Action: a play.

Marx: There is a double error in Hegel.
Faulkner: A bear or a deer has got to be scared of a coward the same as a brave man has got to be.
Marx: It would therefore be unfeasible and wrong to let the economic categories follow one another in the same sequence as that in which they were historically decisive.
Faulkner: But he aint gonter never holler, no more than he ever done when he was jumping at that two-inch door.
Marx: For this very reason, however, every medieval craftsman was completely absorbed in his work, to which he had a contented, slavish relationship, and to which he was subjected to a far greater extent than the modern worker, whose work is a matter of indifference to him.
Faulkner: So he comes to work, the first man on the job, when McAndrews and everybody else expected him to take the day off since even a nigger couldn't want no better excuse for a holiday than he had just buried his wife, when a white man would have took the day off out of pure respect no matter how he felt about his wife, when even a little child would have had sense enough to take a day off when he would still get paid for it too.
Marx: Take, for instance, the fattening of cattle, where the animal is the raw material, and at the same time an instrument for the production of manure.
Faulkner: Major has to get on back home.
Marx: On what grounds, then, do you Jews demand emancipation?
Faulkner: There aint any law against a man rushing his wife into the ground, provided he never had nothing to do with rushing her to the cemetary too.
Marx: It is still a matter, therefore, of the Jews professing some kind of faith; no longer Christianity as such, but Christianity in dissolution.
Faulkner: Come one, let's get back to town. I haven't seen my desk in two weeks.

I'm so green, I'm losing my Vitiman C. Wanna ask but I just stare.

Readers who know listen to Electrelane. They're like an all-woman Velvet Underground fronted by The Pastels' Bernice Simpson. Don't believe the implication of the band name, by they way--they're not electro, neither are they lame. Real live drummer who plays drum machine loops, jangly little rythem guitar, vocal melodies that sound sampled if only because she never really hits notes, but miraculously repeats the exact same mistake-sounding pitches multiple times. No Korg, but then, nobody's perfect.

Also good: Can is really good.

True, and if you ever need structure for your thoughts, bring them to Kay Duffy. She'll tell you what to do, with a hastily scribbled outline and a request for falafel balls and tzaziki. More revisions would still be appreciated. Any takers? How about you, Jellybaby? I hear you're reading a lot of crap for that Review thing, maybe you'd like to read something good for a change. J$, you're an author, right? I think I saw some of your work in The Education Gadfly. Anne, you have the essay already, or will by the time you read this.

Hey, is that a shiny object? I'm gonna go look at it.

"I know a girl named Elsa,
She's into Alkaseltzer."
-Noel Gallagher

I just read an essay by Octavio Paz in which he states that a poetic image at its most powerful unites two mutually exclusive objects, while retaining their individuality nonetheless. His example image used throughout the essay was based on an example of what he called the opposite type of thinking, logical scientific thinking. Such a statement as "a pound of feathers has the same weight as a pound of rocks," he says, deprives both feathers and rocks of their individuality and nature. The poetic image "feathers are rocks," however, combine the two without losing either. Though it breaks the law of contradiction, it is still true, part of the reality of realities.

Octavio Paz, it seems, is a douchebag.

We Shall All Be Healed has no sing-alongs. This is its biggest flaw, as far as I'm concerned. Often, the songs are very close, but there's obviously too much personal meaning in them for Mr. Darnielle; the choruses (when there are choruses) don't work on the same level as in earlier Mountain Goats. Where they used to invite you to exult with him, or to join his pain, these choruses don't. (Imagine singing along with "I am a mole." Can't do it, can you?) Mr. Darnielle probably didn't even write them with the intention of sublimating emotions; these songs are emotions. So the album's biggest flaw reveals itself to be that it's too powerful.

And yet also too subtle. All the Mountain Goats albums that I've heard are subtle, sometimes even maddeningly vague. I still can't put a story to any of them, and I would guess that's intentional. This album, although its story takes about as much form as any of them, remains outside my experience. I can guess what he means by most of the songs, they even make me feel a certain way, and yet they don't go under the skin. I still feel like I'm studying them, and they remain somewhat abstract. This is the album's second biggest flaw.

The music is great. I dont' mean the instruments, although they're more than adequate (and that organ on "Quito"--mmm, batampt). It's the vocal lines. They've got great fluid structure to fit the lyrics and the beat at the same time, great phrasing. I quite like the lyrics, too, but here, I think, is the reason for the prenominate greatest flaws. They're almost straight poems, with very little bowing to traditional song structure. They have stanzas rather than verses, and the choruses are often just two lines.

Plenty of exceptions. "Palmcorder Yanja" has a great chorus, song-like and quite fun to sing along with. "Whe-ere they-ee maaa-nu-fac-shured what I nee-ded!" Then there's "Garden Grove," and that "aa-ahh-oo," no complaints there, song as much as a poem. The aforementioned "Quito" is ear candy (that organ, woo). And the last song, again fun to sing along to.

I'm not saying that the rest is filler, I hope you'll understand. The rest also has great music, very memorable, hyper emotional. But what do you do with lines like "And once there was a deskAnd now it's in a storage locker somewhereAnd this song is for the stick pins and the cottonsI left in the top drawer"? Typical Mountain Goats, yes. Inventively fit into the song's rhythem, detailed and empathetic at the same time, sounds good when Mr. Darnielle says it, but . . . You know what, I'm wrong. That's a great line. I take back everything that sounded disatisfied.

Why I love Bob Dylan, vol. 1

I have a joyful feeling when I think about Dylan albums. He created so damn many (ten perfect albums in the 60s, a muddled but still Dylan period in the early 70s followed by two more perfect albums, late 70s Christian period, absurd yet endearing commercial albums in the 80s, a second act as big as Jesus's in '94 and '01), and with this constant output he revealed himself entirely. They all have a single mood: the expansively romantic feeling of an epic poem (Highway 61). the painful examination of a failed love affair (Blood on the Tracks), the paranoid, shiftless, claustrophobic sense of you against the world (Blonde on Blonde), playful absurdity and group mythmaking (Basement Tapes), dreamlike visionary spiritualism (John Wesley Harding). They're like old friends. I've seen every side of them, been through everything with them, know all their secrets, love hanging around with them.

Then there's the style of the songs. Overflowing words and a huge range, so you can quote them at any time, in any context. The voice, disentegrating over the years, always just beyond my ability to imitate, probably the best possible for these songs. The abounding energy of the music itself, alternately rollicking and whispering, echoing and air-tight. God, that guitar, strumming percussively away in the background, that high moaning train-whistle harmonica. The world never knew a 4-5-1 progression could have so many masks.

Also, just look at them. They're so pretty. Each one with a mug shot of Zimmy himself, drugged out or pissed off or grinning or staring or reclining or self-consciously posing. The minibus on Freewheelin'. The silly hat on Desire. The 'stache on Love and Theft. Dude, Bringing it All Back Home? Best album cover ever.

Tomorrow: my current thoughts on We Shall All Be Healed. I'll put off writing this essay if it kills me.

Sleeping way too often. Feeling weak in limbs and mind. Seeing many unlikely things in peripheral vision (today a lamp post was an eagle). Getting less sun than even I need. Constantly beset with compusion to go to indian casino. If had brick, would throw it through neighbor's window just to hear it smash. WhErE ArE yoU? ARe yOu tHEre?

Yes! I have received my awesome Beikoku Ongaku Japanese music magazine! Fewer pictures than I expected, but hey, a few of them is a Japanese hipster shopping for CDs. Also, there's a hella obscure mix CD of their favorite pop songs. And an article featuring a Japanese take on Lost in Translation.

Oh man, why did I buy this?

Infinity has changed HFS into a Spanish language/Latin music network. At least they let them go out with dignity. Or in great shame and as a travesty of their former selves, then kept around for cash.

Sometimes, yes is you. In any case, yes.

Fact: I really feel like writing aimlessly. I could write the essay, but that has an aim.
Fact: Flagg has become more vocal since the last time I was here. He will make little whiney mewing noises with no provocation, and also louder whines with provocation.
Fact: I like to tell myself I inherited only good traits from my parents. I have my mother's liberal openness, and her usually easygoing manner (and I at least don't think I'm lying). I have my father's interest and reasonable taste in art (not specifially paintings, mind you), staunch Democratic leanings, and intelligence. I did not inherit male pattern baldness (mother's father). I did not inherit lack of ambition (father's father). I did not inherit rage and strictness (father). I did not inherit terribly off-pitch singing (mother). I did not inherit shitty short-term memory (mother).
Fact: the reason the last fact was only "I tell myself" was because I did inherit bad sense of direction (mother), occasional ignoring of problems (father), a curt manner that makes sales clerks and non-friends on the phone think I'm angry at them (father), tendency toward overeating (mother), obliviousness (both, sometimes, to different things, both genres of which I got in varying degrees).
Clarification of parenthesis in last Fact: my mother can walk down fifth avenue and not notice the neon. (I can live in Annapolis for two years and never quite process the fact that it's on a shore, even though I often went to the harbor and saw a beach.) My father can be unaware that he is subtly implying things he does not intend to imply. (For example, I've gradually learned that some of the times that he sounds pissed off, he isn't. Also, I often think he is making jabs at relatives and friends, and he never is. I am aware that minor noises, glances, and pauses I make imply irritation when I feel none, and don't intend to express any.)
Fact: Jeff was awake when I got home, yes, at four a.m. He had woken up without reason and was watching the extended version of Fellowship of the Ring.
Fact: I often find myself choosing not to become interested in things that have the potential to fascinate me, or freak me out. I am self-aware about this. It is a strange thing which perhaps you will not identify with or understand.
Fact: Hydroplaning is all fun and cookies until you run into a guardrail. (I didn't run into a guardrail, or anything else, although I found myself widely varying in speed on Rt. 100, sometimes going down to forty-five, sometimes up to seventy. Luckily, I had the road basially to myself.)
Fact: I enjoy the taste of saliva-activated envelope glue. It is a taste unlike anything else.
Fact: An operational CD player will produce music when the play button is depressed.
Fact: Secret doors will sometimes open in secret locations when the secret trigger is depressed.
Fact: Skin will transmit a sensation to your brain via your nerves when it is depressed.
Fact: I am not depressed.
Fact: this list has gone on long enough.

4 Jess

Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday
...And we pray, and we pray and we pray and we pray.
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday...
See you at the crossroads (crossroads, crossroads)
so you won't be lonely
See you at the crossroads (crossroads, crossroads)
so you won't be lonely
See you at the crossroads (crossroads, crossroads)
so you won't be lonely
See you at the crossroads (crossroads, crossroads)
so you won't be lonely,
And I'm gonna miss everybody and I'm gonna miss everybody
And I'm gonna miss everybody and I'm gonna miss everybody
And I'm gonna miss everybody and I'm gonna miss everybody
And I'm gonna miss everybody and I'm gonna miss everybody
And I'm gonna miss everybody and I'm gonna miss everybody
And I'm gonna miss everybody and I'm gonna miss everybody